Take Care Kids

there are no photos in sign of our mourning

This could have been a very special part of the journal. Full of happiness for the opening of our Shelter. It could have beena very special day, a day to remember with joy. But in the end it turned out to be a normal day. I should have known from the early hours that it would have been a day like many others for me. Frida, our incredible volunteer, was ready al 11.30 at the door of her guest house. So was Ann's mother (the child was at school), she was waiting for me in front of a garage, which is where she sleeps with two cardboard boxes, containing her whole life, and a few hangers for her child's clothes.

Ernesto, the volunteer who had hosted Teng and Faa were ready to meet us at 14.00 in our Shelter. In the meantime we went for groceries and last minute shopping in order to make our guests' lives a little sweeter, so among the necessities we also added a few cookies and fruit juices for the children without telling anyone. We reached the Shelter full of joy, food and other household amenities.

I checked the mailbox, and we still have not received a postcard, only bills. We will make a nice poster out of all the postcards we receive and hang it in the canteen so that our kids can learn some Geography through the pictures. Meanwhile, Ernesto his wife and Faa and Taeng join us and even though I was having lunch, I leave it there and go to the Shelter where I see some people snooping around, they are curious, they ask questions. Another mother shows up and wants to talk to Khun Gio. She has no money to send her child to school. We will talk to her on Monday.....we don't have time today to give her our full attention.
The mothers choose their rooms and Ann's mother puts her things on the bed, takes a look at her watch and bolts out the door, she has to go to work. In the meantime, in Faa's room, her mother Noot and Maria are fixing the little cot so that the child can sleep comfortably. Maria comes up to me and shows me the picture of her little boy, he's still in the incubator, and she says: "he weighs 1.6 kg now and soon he'll be able to come home", then she adds "if he makes it, I really want you to bless him because you were so good to my boy....you are important to us." I didn't even try to explain to her that I am one like many others with my godd sides and bad sides but definitely not a priest, a saint, a monk of a mufti so I can't bless anyone. Before leaving the shelter I want to fix a cupboard and the little office we will have. I make sure that all is well and everything is working correctly and I leave to go talk to someone for the secretary position we have at the shelter (sadly without a positive result). Then I have two more translations to do, some accounting, I need to eat as well. I also have to prepare the things for the stand at the Bangkok Pattaya Hospital Christmas Market on Saturday 26th. Meanwhile, little Ann comes home from school. She is waiting for me to put her to bed....her mom is going to work until late in the night. So I jump on my bike and go. When I get there, Ann is wearing her pijamas and is waiting for me with Frida. They are playing and watching cartoons. I open the door go towards where they are, and Ann jumps in my arms calling me daddy. She wants me to skip rope with her. I suck.....she's great...maybe I'm getting too old for this. We go to the bedroom and she starts putting away her books for the next schoolday. She's such a sweet child. I check on Teng and little Faa to see if they're comfortable. I go back to Ann's room.....I look down and see two black feet, we wash them off before going to bed and I wish her a good night, I have to go. Frida will be with her until she falls asleep, her mom won't be home from work before 2 in the morning. I go towards home but I stop at the office to do some things and Noot calls me, crying her eyes out....so I rush home. Tanakorn, the premature baby, at 1.6kg and almost 7 months old didn't make it...he's gone. A viral infection in the incubator at Chonburi Hospital has taken his young life. It's almost one in the morning, I feel the chill going down my spine, Noot won't stop crying. I turn away and cry myself, they are angry tears more than sad ones. Could I have done more? I can't sleep, not even the usual three hours. 

The funeral will be today, the 25th of November. I cancel all appointments, dress in black, Noot is with me. Little Tanakorn is in his home, a hut. His mother Maria keeps calling me on the phone to know where I am, I'm on the way, but traffic is holding me back so I say go ahead with the ceremony. "No way" she says. I finally get to the hut. Some people are smiling, others are playing. Maria comes towards me. Silence settles. Everyone says hello to me. Some in Thai style, some by saying Inshallah (God's will)...they are mostly Muslims here. That's not important, the only thing I see is little Tanakorn on his bed. I have to go in the room. They want me to spend time with the child, they want me to touch him...Maria watches me from behind, she stares. The mufti arrives, so we prepare the white cloth. They want me to wash the child, I can't I'm not a Muslim, so they wash him. We put all the powders all over the cloth, take the child's measures and make out a bed from the cloth. Then the cloth is tied at the ends with white ribbons. He looks like a wrapped candy. Everyone leaves me alone with the child. I look out the little window, the sun is bright outside, but it cannot break the darkness within. The Mufti comes in, prays and the boy's grandmother and Maria get ready for the burial. There are not many of us in line, and we travel a very small road. I hold Maria's hand and she holds Noot's. We reach a tree. The hole was dug by hand, it's a deep hole. We lower the body. Not a word is said. A child cannot have commited any sin...there are no pleas to make. I throuw some sand and a ghust of wind catches it...to me it seems freezing. The mother, Maria puts two pieces of wood, they look like a cross, they are pointy and hand made, then she comes towards me....she looks at me with her eyes full of tears and says "thank you from my heart".

I leave the "cemetery" and three kids come close to me..they ask me: "Khun Gio can we come play at your Shelter?"

TCK